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Normaly I stay away from public entries, mostly because I don't want my life intruded on, found out. But something, someone made me realize I was changing. And through that change I was painting a different face on someone else, some one I was getting to know, to care about. I was not only changing myself, but her; for the worst I was becoming. The better my relationship with her got, the more I talked about it, the more I put up conversation between me and her that would ring wrong.
Guys, I've been an ass lately, a big one. Not just because of flames, but because I was seemingly gloating about a friendship that was just that, a friendship. It's nothing special to talk about, to gloat about. The way I was talking about it made me seem like the pompous dick I was turning into. I was changing, and this time I didn't notice it, but Maxine did. Maxine was the only one to confront me about what I was doing, Damian thought I was doing good, and Floral seemingly didn't care. Maxine brought the monster I was becoming to my attention. It's a good thing you got me sick feeling, crying like that. You made me realize the ass I was. I'm sorry to you all for hat I have done, the pestering, the bothering, the bragging. I'm sorry.
To me, I want to say that I lost myself, unlike normally I lost my reserve, I became to excited. I wanted to show to the world I found a friend, because I made so few of them. In that process, I became something I've never been, and I didn't notice it. I can't say much I haven't already said. So I'll leave it at this and say I'm sorry.
But most importantly I have someone else I want to apologize to, and for just cause; I feel I have given her a slap to the face without her knowing it, a namecalling out of earshot.
Don, I know we haven't known each other that long, but the time we spend together talking on AIM. I feel I've gotten to know you, call you a friend, a est friend. And you've come to call me friend as well, something I won't forget, because it means so much to me.
But nothing except you can forgive me for what I have doen, I have paved possible perceptions of you. I made you seem like something you weren't, something I didn't want you to appear as, yet I did it somehow. I feel like shit for it, and I don't know if you could ever forgive me. I suppose you could, and I love you for that understanding you've shown. Yet I failed you, I feel I did a wrong to you with your trust, your friendship.
Don, your possibly one of the nicest people I've met recently. And it's that single thing that makes this ring all the more hurtfull in my mind. That despite how I think of you I did this. I made you seem like a drunk, somewhat like a tramp. You are not these things, you never where, you never will be. I want you to know i'm honestly and probably forever sorry for what I've done. Don I'm so sorry.
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bitchy